As I said before, we live in a time where people are more media savvy than ever before, and no one is fooled by your phony prepared marketing statements. It seems that every day we hear yet another lame prepared PR statement from some knucklehead or another. I know these people are merely trying to do some damage control / avoid a lawsuit, but I personally can’t stand having my intelligence insulted. What ever happened to a heartfelt statement. Why does everything have to be prepared by an attorney first?

Here’s my list of favorites in no particular order, I hope you find them as entertaining as I have…

• Chris Brown - Wow a genuine apology… written by a PR exec
• Michael Vick - Close, but who really talks like this?
• Tiger Woods - As the guys at Marvel Comics say ‘nuff said
• Don Imus - He didn’t even look up from his paper!
• Kobe Bryant - His lawyer even speaks for him. I love the way he pulls his wife’s chair out for her. What a gentleman; not an act at all.
• Mark Sanford - I tried to stay away from politics, but found this one pretty funny.
• Mark McGwire - “I’m not here to talk about the past.” I’ve got to remember that one.
• Alex Rodriguez - though you could really pick anything that A-Rod has ever said.

Who talks like this in their daily lives? Most if not all of these are apologies of some sort, and the hallmark of a good apology is that it is authentic and heartfelt. How can your statement be authentic if it is coming from your attorney? Remember, the word of the day is “authenticity.” To be fair, it’s kind of unfair to single out any one celebrity since just about every single thing that anyone says in the media is written by some PR person or lawyer.

I know alot of marketers will disagree with me on this (especially in these most litigious times where everyone sues anyone for anything), but I think more companies should shoot from the hip and be more honest, open and authentic. Many people are tired of the politically correct phrases that advertisers, marketers, and celebrities use, which is why many of us go online to see what real people are saying (in this day in age though, sometimes it’s hard to determine who is a real person and who is a plant. Yes companies even try to fake authenticity in this way, but more on that later). Prepared statements are the old way of doing things. If you’re going to send a message my way, please leave your lawyer at the office.

What are your favorite prepared statements? Go ahead and link them in the comments, I’m always up for a good laugh. Also, what statements do you feel are actually good? I’d like to see those as well.